Beyond Stories

It is not hard to be kind…

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched-they must be felt with the heart. Ponder your thoughts about what according to you is the most beautiful thing. Draw a picture and write a few lines about it. The work is to be done on an A4 sheet.”

This was the summer holiday assignment for my younger son. He came and asked for my help.

“Well, if I help and tell then it would be about what I consider as the most beautiful thing in the world. Why don’t you give it a try and let’s see what comes to your mind” I told him with a smile.

Two days later I asked him about the assignment, and he said he could not think of anything as all that comes to his mind could be seen and touched.

Wanting to finish his homework soon, he again expected me to pitch in.

“You need to think harder, and something will surely come up” was my reply.

The next few days were about his coming with something but rejecting it soon saying it could be seen or touched.

A week later I saw him glimmering with excitement as he came to me and shared “Mamma, I think I have figured out the answer and it should be correct. According to me, kindness is the most beautiful thing in the world that cannot be seen or even touched”

And I could not have agreed more. And then he gave me examples of how he sometimes sees others and himself too exemplifying kindness.

While we all are bombarded with the news about the current geopolitical situation in the world coupled with increasing instances of mindless violence and impact of gun culture amongst the younger generation, there are many people who are wholeheartedly trying to make this world a better place. I firmly believe that together we can make the world a bit kinder for all of us.

As a Coach who tries to embody mindfulness in her daily life, I feel that mindfulness helps us relate to ourselves and others with empathy and compassion. Taking an extra moment to hold the elevator for someone, giving someone in need a hand, even the act of simply smiling at someone and meaning it from your heart. These small acts do not take much but could really make a big difference for someone. Random acts of kindness can start a chain reaction.

While the random acts of kindness are important, it is critical to remember that you are surely allowed to be kind to yourself. In fact, you should always be first kind to yourself. This will help you to be in a good place within yourself before you can make it happen for others.

Kindness starts with one person, and that one person is you.

After all, it is worth being kind.

This blog was first published here-https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/beyond-stories/it-is-not-hard-to-be-kind/

Ripple Effects of Mindfulness

It was last week that we went on a vacation to the Nilgiris. As things were getting back to normal, we had planned a vacation and traveled using public transport, unlike the short trips earlier in the safety of our car in between the waves of the pandemic. The kids had boarded a plane after nearly three years. My husband and I were fortunate enough to go on a short vacation a few months back. Here are a couple of things I felt were different this time in our vacation.

Just as drought makes you value rain; scarcity makes you appreciate gratification. All of us treasured each moment of our trip together.

On one of the days, my kids (especially the younger one) did not want to go for any sightseeing as they just wanted to relax at the resort. My husband was keen and enthusiastic to show them the places around. My son did not say anything but was visibly sad as we asked him to come with us, and he had to step out of the resort. Trying to find a way to balance things, I told my husband (when kids were not around) that instead of covering four places, we could cover two and come back early so that kids also get some time to enjoy what they want- “Simply Relax and do nothing”. The kids were happy beyond words, and my younger son even embraced me as he felt extremely valued.

We all loved coming back early evening. The kids relaxed on the hammock, happily chatting with each other and playing with two pet cats at the resort. While I picked up a book to read, my husband took to sketching after a long time. Kids relished the hot chocolate while we got some time to enjoy coffee together. It was a surreal evening, without any doubt.

I feel that everyone has their idea of a vacation that may be different but needs to be valued. Sometimes we need to slow down to understand the others’ verbal and nonverbal cues. It is all about the tiny adjustments we need to make to enjoy ourselves as a family.

As a mindfulness coach, what I have learned and try to embody in my everyday practice is that being mindful has positive ripple effects. Being mindful in our interaction with other people builds our attentional skills and of others as well. Being present and flexible helps in the subtle strengthening of equanimity and certainly brings a positive loop to our interactions.

This blog was first published here:

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/beyond-stories/ripple-effects-of-mindfulness/

Cooking and Boys

It was in July that my elder son asked my opinion about which online hobby class he should pursue as part of his school curriculum. Me and my husband normally ask our kids to look at the options themselves and make a choice on their own. We try to limit our role to an advisory and on need basis only, unless I feel they really need our help and honest opinion to decide for them. Not only does this makes the kids feel more empowered, but they also take more responsibility as the decision was made by them.

My son wanted to opt for cooking (non-stove) as a hobby. He has interest in learning new recipes and thanks to lockdown, he has been really helping us out in the kitchen work as well. We encouraged him to pursue the same as that was his interest area.

After the third class, I casually checked with him if he was enjoying the classes. As was evident he was loving the classes. He always look forward to the next class and makes sure that all the ingredients are available or procured well in advance and neatly arranged in a tray before the class. He would focus on presentation and lay out the finished items on serving trays for us and take photographs. Above all, and to my great satisfaction, he also cleans up the table after he is done with his routine in each class.

Once I asked him how many boys were there in the class. He shared there were seven boys out of a class strength of fifteen. The fact that nearly fifty percent (46.67 percent to be precise) of the class population for a cooking class comprised of boys made me happy and proud.

During a recent event in my apartment, a “cooking without fire” competition was held for children. This year my son was eagerly looking forward to it and participated for the first time. He had made three dishes independently (carrot ladoos, pudding and biscuit sandwich) in the allotted time. In his category, he won the first prize. This achievement of his made us all very proud. He was very excited about this and was encouraged to continue with this hobby.

Children’s education goes beyond going to school. Considering both boys and girls pursue the education and work shoulder to shoulder later in their career, it is important that they both learn this important life skill (as I would like to call it :)). As boys learn these things, they can appreciate the efforts of those that do this and share responsibility without making a big deal about this.

I see hope for the future generation and am proud to contribute in my own little way. I am hopeful that we will one day reach a stage when there is no need to write a blog on this topic and cooking skills become a norm for all children irrespective of gender.

By the way, while my son is experimenting and evolving his culinary skills, the side benefit is the tasty ladoos and puddings we get to relish!

This blog was first published here: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/beyond-stories/cooking-and-boys/

रिश्तों की पाठशाला

रिश्ते कैसे निभाए जाते हैं

बन तो बड़ी आसानी से जाते हैं
पर बन जाएं तो निभाए कैसे जाते हैं

मिलना लिखा ही होगा
तभी तो मिल पाए हम
रिश्ते की समापन तिथि की
भनक ही कहाँ थी हमें तब

पर आगे क्यों नहीं चल पाए हम

रिश्ते कैसे निभाए जाते हैं

कुछ रिश्ते हमें मानो रास नहीं आए
ठीक से निभाने के अंदाज नहीं आए

कुछ बिगड़े रिश्ते ने हमें अंदर से
जैसे तोड़ दिया हो
और इस अधूरेपन ने मानो हमें
नीचोड़ सा दिया हो

रिश्ते कैसे निभाए जाते हैं

काश रिश्तों की भी कोई पाठशाला होती
जहाँ रिश्तों का गणित इस तरह पढ़ाया जाता

अच्छी यादों को जमा करके
दिल की तिजोरी में
संजो कर रखने की कला

बुरी बातों को घटा कर
मन से रिश्ते को
टिका कर रखने की कला

खुशनुमा पलों को गुणा कर
मन में सुखद अनुभूति जो मिले
उस एहसास को महसूस करने की कला

दर्द ईमानदारी से बाँट लेना
चाहे वह अपना हो या अपनों का
उस सुकून के आभास की कला

हाँ रिश्ते शायद ऐसे ही निभाए जाते हैं

रिश्तों की नज़ाकत को
समझने की कला आ जाए तो
रिश्ते खुद ही गहरे हो जायेंगे

और इस बुनियाद पर बन जाएं तो
रिश्ते खुद ही टिकाऊ हो जायेंगे

हाँ रिश्ते तो ऐसे ही निभाए जाते हैं

रिश्ते तो ऐसे ही निभाए जाते हैं

Celebrating Freedom…

As India celebrates its 75th Independence Day, sharing a few lines with a different take on what independence means to me.

Kids and resilience in today’s times

It was during the virtual PTM for my elder son few days back that her teacher asked if I was keeping a track of his notes being up to date in the notebook, if he is following the schedule and the tutorial videos have been seen and revised at his end for better understanding of the concepts. I had no clue of what she was talking about as I was not following his progress for the last couple of weeks. It made me feel bad to be honest. After the meeting, my son did try to comfort me by saying that he was very much on track. His assuring words did make me feel better.

While pondering about this episode later during the day, a thought triggered in my mind. We have been talking about organizational resilience and individual resilience during the pandemic all along for adults. However, the kids are also going through anxiety related to Covid-19. The silver lining is that to some extent kids have been adapting to the challenges better than adults.

Writing in the New York Times, psychology professor Adam Grant describes the COVID state of mind as languishing: “Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you are muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.”

Last couple of weeks have been difficult as we have been going through concern for the recovery of near and dear ones, mourning the loss of loved ones, coupled with the fear and anxiety of what lies ahead for everyone. While I have been languishing, unknowingly, there was also an unfair expectation on my part from my children to act normal, complete their assignments on time, prepare for the weekly assessments and get good grades too. My sister and her husband had both tested positive for Covid 19 last month. Her fever would not go down ever on the tenth day coupled with low oxygen levels. While we were concerned, discussing and praying about her recovery how could it not affect my children who were also at home. When children are frequently being exposed to messages about the threat to health, fear and anxiety is a normal and common response.

Few days back my younger son asked, “When are me and my elder brother getting the Covid 19 vaccine shot”. Realizing that it was his way of expressing anxiety, we promptly comforted him by saying that vaccination is not needed for the kids. Kids have their own ways of expressing their fear and anxieties, catch the signs.

I believe it is okay to be sometimes vulnerable in front of the kids. We all are humans after all. Thankfully, my boys are at an age that they do understand when their mother has her bad days, moments when fear and insecurities grip her. There have been times my kids have helped me come out of those moments.

We as parents need to make a mindful attempt and have a positive approach to ensure that the anxiety and uncertainty does not affect our kids too much. Sharing a few ways to ensure this below:

· Encourage positive thinking. For instance, few days back, I asked my kids to write about “what keeps them going” these days. It was reassuring to see what my boys (10 and 12 years old) expressed by way of their artwork and write-ups about gratitude, being with family, new skills developed during the lock-down. It gave us the much-needed strength and positivity.

· Accept that the kids are smart and know what is going on to an extent. Downplaying will not help especially when we keep emphasizing about the seriousness of Covid 19. So, try to have open and honest conversations with the kids.

· It is okay to be vulnerable in front of the kids. You may not know all the answers and let the kids accept that.

· Listening to kids’ questions and discussing their concerns could mitigate the potential negative effect on their minds.

· Try to have a routine which kids follow as much as possible. Since they are home bound keep a balance between screen time, helping in household chores, pursuing their hobbies and free time. When I say free time, it literally means that my kids do not want to do anything during that time.

· Regular video calls with friends and family help meet the human need to connect.

· Kids feel responsible and important if they are made to contribute to the age-appropriate home tasks.

No one had expected the second Covid wave to be of this magnitude. We just need to be mindful of the fact that if the present situation is hard for us, it is not easy for our kids as well.

As a parent of two kids, I believe all kids need specially during the pandemic is parents who are their friends, an open conversation and an environment that encourages them to keep on going during the turbulent times we all are in.

And mind you, it is easier said than done!

The Year That Was…

Life is not obliged to turn the way we plan, and this year has surely proved it. For almost everyone the way we have been living our lives has changed this year.

While reflecting on the year gone by is what most people normally do during the last few days or last month of the year, this year has been a bit different. Beginning the first quarter itself, it gave everyone ample time, opportunity, and moments to pause and reflect on many occasions.

For many it was a year when we started to question our priorities and may be got the time to set them right. For some, it harbored doubts about the path they had chosen and making the decision to take that conscious call to start all over again, taking that first courageous step to move on to more satisfying pursuits.

2020 was a year when even the small vendors and businesses had to make themselves technology ready to cope up with the sudden need for digitization. Same way even consumers had to adapt to this change. I see many elderly people (including my parents) using Paytm, G Pay and other online payment modes and getting accustomed to Online shopping portals.

According to me, the education sector has been the one which was the quickest to adapt to the changing times of the Online Virtual world we were forced to be in. The efforts by the teachers, supporting staff and not to forget the kids, has really been commendable. It was really hard for the kids who were all of a sudden confined to their homes; yet they adjusted quickly.

For some it was the realisation that rather than continuing with some bitter and awkward relationships, situations, jobs, social setup, etc., it was better to call it quits and move on for the long-term benefit and mental peace of all. Mental Health and Mindfulness seemed to be the buzz words with so much emphasis than ever before.

There were moments we were struggling to make sense of what ambiguous situation we were forced into due to the lock-down. Many a times there were questions thrown at us by our kids in an undisguised curiosity & anxiety, which we sometimes failed to answer. These questions surely made us ponder deeply and really search for a good rationale. Questions as to what was going to happen next or how long the pandemic would last, reasonable questions to which we had no satisfying answer.

There were moments of guilt making me question what we were leaving for the next generation. This year we have realised that we could easily do away with old ways of wasteful, unnecessary & irresponsible consumption and instead manage with what we already have. Mindful consumption is what I had started practicing few months prior to Covid as well. I am personally very happy and proud of the fact that I did not incur any expense on buying clothes this year 😊

We also realized that humans have a huge amount of resilience, we adapted ourselves to the situation be it working remotely, taking extra precautions, dropping our trips to malls, living without those luxury vacations and indulging in eating out. In summary, we all have the strength to face what life asks of us and adapt to it.

To sum up, this year gave us a mixture of feelings some of which are hard to articulate. Should we be fearful or courageous, be home bound or roam around to the point of caring no longer, the new situation added to the responsibility not only for self, but towards people we get in contact with.

Despite everything that is happening, I personally do feel this is not the new normal. This is an interim period where we must ponder and reflect on how we would want to live our lives, in the post Covid era. We should thus define the “new normal” ourselves.

To sum up, 2020 has surely provided us the ability to appreciate the blessings that were right in front of us, but we always chose to ignore or rather take for granted. This may not be a great year for many in ways more than one. However, looking back, I have immense gratitude for the silver linings which have been abundant….!

कुछ दिनों से…

पक्षी तो पहले भी चहचहाते होंगे

या शायद चीख कर कुछ कहते भी हों

हमनें कुछ ही दिनों से सुनना शुरू किया है

हाँ, कुछ दिनों से आसमान नीला सा ज़रूर दिखने लगा है

कुछ दिनों से रूठों को मनाने का मन करता है

और जो रिश्ते पास हैं उन्हें संजो कर रखने का मन करता है

कुछ दिनों से आत्ममंथन की चाह है

कुछ दोनों से रब ने जो दिया उसका शुक्र मनाने का मन करता है

और अपने गुनाहों की माफ़ी मांगने का मन करता है

कहते हैं माफ़ करना वाले का दिल बहुत बड़ा होता है

तो कुदरत तू भी हम पर कर दे एक उपकार

और हम ये वादा ज़रूर करते हैं फिर उसी राह पर नहीं जायेंगे

खुद भी संभलेंगे और आने वाली पीढ़ी कोएक बेहतर जहान की सौगात देकर जायेंगे

Entangled

When the mind is entangled

With thoughts, worries and pain

Past regrets, we cannot change

Anxiety of the future, we cannot see

During such moments of chaos and confusion

We are desperate to find an immediate solution

Break the pattern and pause to reflect

Letting go will keep the anxiety under check

Do not hold too tightly

Let the ones who want to go, go

For life will go on for the world without them

But holding on for long will only create mayhem

There is so much more to life each day

Life is fun if we keep the negativity away…!

***This poem is from my book Strings-A Collection of Poems and Micro Fiction

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